When Should You Wife That Girl?

 Cartoon Wife

One of the most daunting tasks to any man is proposing to a woman. How do you do it? When do you do it? How do you strike a balance between size of the diamond and your ever-depleting bank balance? All of these questions are stressful enough as it is, not to mention finding the right girl to actually take this life-changing step with. To make the task easier I have provided you with some sure-fire signs that your girlfriend is “the one” and in Beyonce’s very own words, you need to put a ring on it.

You can trust her with your ATM password

Spending Monday mornings, trudging to work in the rain and sleet are all made bearable when that pay-cheque finds its way to your bank account at the end of the month. Finding out that your girlfriend has spent all of this hard-earned money on shoes, shoes and even more shoes because “a girl can’t have enough pairs of heels” would probably make you want to rip her hair out, strand by strand. If you can give your bank card to her, knowing she really will only buy the food shop and not the contents of Selfridges then you should definitely wife her.

She makes you laugh

There’s nothing worse than having an uptight girlfriend who can’t laugh at herself, or anything in general really. If she sits there with a constant frown, not only will her skin age at an extraordinary rate and it will look like you’re dating somebody’s Gran, you just know that you are destined for a life of boredom and nagging. However if you see her as “one of the boys” and find your sides hurting from creasing up with laughter when around her, you can be sure of an entertaining marriage filled with fun.

You know she has your back

Imagine yourself to be Harvey Dent from The Dark Knight and you’ve just been the victim of an awful bomb explosion. Do you trust her with catching the melting skin and putting it into a jar? Failing that, do you think she would love you if you had an eye and a cheek missing? If the answer is yes, then you know this girl isn’t shallow and will love you even when you develop a pot belly later on in life from years of drinking Guiness and munching on midnight takeaways.

She doesn’t care how much money you earn

In this day in age, it’s very hard to find a woman with no material needs or wants. If it isn’t a Louis Vuitton handbag, then it’s a Channel perfume. If you find yourself demoted from a “chief supervisor” position to “chief binman” and she stays with you, you know she’s a keeper. However it’s not always easy to spot women who are only interested in money, as they can keep it hidden and divert your attention by making you delicious meals. Living your life by Kanye West’s mantra, if you do happen to find yourself with a “Goldigger” then at least make sure you “holla we want prenup, WE WANT PRENUP!”

She can cook

This is a must in a wife. Think about those cold Winter days whilst you’re sat in an office, listening to your tummy grumbling and thinking about the goodness your other half will have cooked up for you when you get home. You don’t want all of Iceland’s shop heated up on your arrival but a proper home-cooked hearty meal to see you through to supper, which if she is perfect will consist of a home-made cheesecake or chocolate gateaux.

You are able to have adult disagreements without petty fighting

How energy sapping is it to attempt to discuss something that’s bothering you with a girl and them burst into tears and storm out, slamming the front door on their way in true teenager fashion? Not only is your evening ruined but you wake up to an alarming number of texts on your phone from your friends, who are now asking why she is “listed as single” on Facebook and her latest status consists only of “young, free and single, bring on the Tequila shots!” Apart from people who feature on the likes of “Geordie Shore” and “TOWIE”, nobody has time for that. If you go to bed following a heated disagreement and wake up with her next to you, without her belongings having been angrily ripped from your wardrobe, then this girl is emotionally stable and that is a definite characteristic you want a wife to possess.

You have a similar outlook on life and where you want to end up

You’re definitely not compatible if you spend hours deliberating over baby names and she chooses “Michael”, “Jackson” and “Swag”, with you opting for a more sane approach to naming your future children. Think back to your first date; were you both talking about your desires to go travelling? To live in a little Italian Villa next to the beach? To have the silky smooth voice of Marvin Gaye playing as your Wedding song? If the answer is yes, then you have competition because I want to marry this girl myself.

“We do not spend out childhood dreaming about being proposed to with a Haribo ring.”

Whilst I have discussed how you want a girlfriend to have zero material needs, as a woman myself I will tell you that we do not spend our childhood dreaming about being proposed to with a Haribo ring. If your girlfriend, and potential fiancee, passes all of these points with flying colours then get down to your local jewellers and find the perfect ring as soon as possible. Trust me, when you make her the happiest girl in the world she won’t question you switching on the football when she wanted to watch Eastenders. Well, for a couple of months anyway.

By: Laura Hindley – @LauraHindley2

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